And I guess the last post in my time capsule series- at least for a long, long time- is what I recently added to my time capsule over this weekend.
What can I say? It was on sale. My favorite part is how every month counting down to Obama’s last day in office is garnished with a stupid quote from a fellow one-termer, Stupid Jimmy Carter and a gaffe from Stupid Joe Biden as well. They fail to acknowledge that George H.W. Bush is a more recent one-termer who also had a vice-president well known for saying stupid things. They don’t count.
My only fear from buying this, along with a GONE! 01-20-2013 bumper sticker to add to my time capsule, is what kind of recommendations Amazon has in store for me now.
I had to add some things to my Time Capsule over the weekend. Every time I do this (usually only every couple of years), I usually find something curious in there. This time what I dug up was especially charming.
Twinkies 2000! Special millennium packaging! “Millenniums come, millenniums go, but Twinkies will always be….well, Twinkies!” The grammar there makes my skin crawl, but Twinkie the Kid only has shortening, cellulose gum and polysorbate 60 where his brain should be.
I tried to look up that limited edition package number, but Twinkies.com doesn’t seem to exist anymore. There was an eBay listing for a box of Twinkies like this going for $1,000, but nobody bought it. My box isn’t in sellable condition, though. That’s because at some point between 1999 and now, I ate seven of the ten Twinkies contained in that box. I am so ashamed at my past self and her embarrassing lack of self-control.
I also have a can of Millennial Spaghetti-O’s in that time capsule, which I managed not to eat.
Oh yeah- I never mentioned the condition of the 13-year-old Twinkies I had stashed in my time capsule, did I?
Well, the idea that they have an infinite shelf life is a myth. The Twinkie is so hard that if you attempt to crush it in your fist, nothing happens and it makes a clattering sound if you drop it on a hard surface. You can’t tell that in a picture though, where it looks as pristine as it did in 1999. Also, there’s this idea that if a food product doesn’t decompose, it must be made of inedible ingredients, usually people say “OMG ITS PLASTIC!!!!”, which isn’t accurate. The reason that is hasn’t decomposed is because things don’t rot if they’re completely desiccated. Like mummies or beef jerky or raisins stored in a dry environment. Nobody ever says “OMG raisins don’t rot so they must be full of chemicalz and plastic!!”
Desiccated or not, The Dog was still interested.