I hate Atlanta! I’ve heard it a million times before that people from around here freak out when it snows and the whole city shuts down, but I didn’t expect that to be literally true.
Two days ago we got 3-5 inches, followed by some rain that froze all the roads. Everything was closed yesterday, and everything was closed today as well. Well, that was true yesterday, but today the Subway was open. That’s it, though. Our show at the Drunken Unicorn was cancelled for tonight, and we can’t even see a movie to ease our cabin fever because the theater is closed, too. The only thing we can out of the house is eat at Subway.
Yeah, 3-5 inches. You know what happens when we get 3-5 inches in Boston? Not a damn thing. We don’t even notice. But Atlanta was positively crippled yesterday. I saw on the news that 1900 flights were cancelled at the airport, and all the footage was of either empty highways or a few cars spinning helplessly along the road. The reason that we can’t cope with 3-5 inches here is because nobody has any plows, apparently. Our street still isn’t plowed. Hell, Lawrenceville Highway isn’t plowed. Nothing was plowed because snowplows don’t exist here. Oh yeah, and nobody has a snow shovel. Jon tried to buy one at Home Depot before the storm (silly us, we left ours behind in Boston, thinking “Ha ha! We won’t be needing *this* anymore!) and they didn’t have any. Instead they tried to pass off a regular garden shovel to Jon and said he could use that. We should have bought it, since we have no way of clearing off our driveway now.
There’s nothing anyone can do about the ice on the road either, because I guess nobody has any salt. It seems that when the snow hits here, everyone just stays inside and waits for it to melt. Oh, and guess what? The scroll running along the bottom of the screen during Jeopardy! says that everything’s going to be closed tomorrow, too. Fucking three inches of snow.
We were so bored that we went for a walk along Lawrenceville Highway just to see the desertion. And the roads aren’t even all that bad anymore. But everything’s still closed for tomorrow in advance. I was amused yesterday by the news, they had some tips on driving in the snow. Firstly, they said, don’t drive. Secondly, they said not to use cruise control while driving on the ice. I snorted when the anchor said that with a straight face.
Our neighborhood is pretty amusing, too. Judging by the lack of footprints, our next door neighbors have not set foot outside the house since the snow fell. Also yesterday, the guy across the street set out to clear the snow and ice off his mini-van. He didnt have a brush or a scraper, so he brandished what looked like a child’s pee-wee hockey stick and doggedly went at it until his car was free.
It’s not like this is the first time it’s ever snowed here, not even the first time it’s snowed here this year. You’d think they’d learn to cope a little better than this.
Oh, and their snowmen? Pathetic. On the 26 of December, three days before we moved out of Massachusetts, I took a picture of what I thought was the most pathetic snowman. It made me smile.
It was made with a pile that somebody shoveled off their car.
Then four days later, Jon and I made a retarded baby snowman in New Jersey.
But not only do people in Atlanta have no idea how to drive in snow, how to shovel snow, how do anything when it’s snowing other than curl up into a fetal position and sob, they also have no idea how to build snowmen. This is the new “World’s Most Pathetic Snowman” in my photo collection of pathetic snowmen. Who made this sad pile? It doesn’t even have a face!
Keep in mind this was a freshly-created snowman, not a snowman that has melted.
Not wanting to be upstaged, I made a snowman for Jon:
Jon enjoyed it until his hands got too cold. Then I gave it to Buddy. He ate it.
Jon’s work is already cancelled for tomorrow, but his boss may come in anyway. If so, Jon will go. If not, we’re in for another boring day. We’ve already decided that if everything is closed again, we’re going on a road trip, out of range of the snow. If we have to drive two hours to see Tron or go bowling, we’ll do it.